Entry #1
051113
So I know it’s pointless to compare your life to movies and books, but I’m going to do it anyway. I love when it works out in the end and I hate when it works out in the end. I get so happy for those people who don’t exist. That their love story comes full circle. But why? They aren’t real-
but part of me wishes that they were. That this seamless perfectly imperfect story line could happen in real life.
Mainly to me. But then I get to thinking that I’m not that lucky so I’ll just settle for being able to say the right thing at the right time, once or ever. I always have 9827394812734 things simultaneously running through my mind. Yet, when it comes down to it: I’m stagnant, frozen. I fail to seize the opportunity presented in front of me, probably because I’m thinking about how crazy it is that these kinds of things actually happen in real life, and it slips away. Then I beat myself up over the countless things I could have said in that moment to make true to my belief that these kinds of things actually do happen in real life. It’s a vicious cycle.
And I guess that’s where the hopeless comes into it. But alas, per usual, I am going to try to break that cycle. Wish me luck, Lord knows I need it.
-AHD
